Sometimes, a child refuses contact with a parent during or after a divorce or separation. In certain situations, one parent manipulates the child into rejecting the other parent. In other cases, the child pulls away for valid reasons. The truth of the matter tends to impact custody decisions.
What is parental alienation?
Parental alienation happens when one parent turns a child against the other parent without a good reason. The alienating parent may make false accusations, constantly criticize the other parent, or block communication. Over time, the child begins to believe the negative things they hear. They may refuse visits, reject phone calls, or act with anger toward the alienated parent.
Alienation harms the child’s emotional well-being. They may feel pressured to take sides or experience guilt for rejecting a loving parent. Courts recognize parental alienation as damaging and often act unfavorably toward parents who attempt this form of manipulation.
What is justified estrangement?
Justified estrangement happens when a child avoids a parent because of that parent’s negative behavior. This can include abuse, neglect, substance abuse, or repeated broken promises. If a parent is violent, emotionally abusive, or unsafe, a child may choose to avoid them.
Unlike parental alienation, estrangement is the result of real experiences. The child is not dealing with manipulation but is instead protecting themselves. In New Jersey, family courts consider the child’s best interests when deciding custody and visitation, and legitimate signs of justified estrangement can impact their decisions.
How can you tell the difference?
Parental alienation and justified estrangement can look similar, but key signs help separate them:
- Source of negativity: Alienation comes from one parent’s influence. Estrangement comes from the child’s own experiences.
- Evidence of harm: Alienated parents often have no history of abuse or neglect. In cases of estrangement, there is proof of harmful behavior.
- Child’s behavior: Alienated children repeat the alienating parent’s words and reject the other parent completely. Estranged children may still have mixed feelings but want distance for their safety.
Understanding these differences can help parents and families handle conflicts in a healthier way. Children need safe and loving relationships, and knowing the cause of rejection is the first step to addressing the problem.